excerpts from the Foreword
by Stilton Jarlsberg, MD
Nearly 2000 years ago, The Kama Sutra was written by a Hindu ascetic named Vatsyayana. Little could this great man have known that his detailed descriptions of lovemaking would not only become the world's best-known sex manual, but eventually give birth to the chiropractic industry.
But the sublime message of the Kama Sutra became confused and muddled during America's "sexual revolution" in the 1960's - perhaps because so many of the postures depicted in the great book involved items not readily available to Americans - like elephants, palm fronds, or monkeys trained to pull anal beads on command.
Eventually, two sexual camps formed in the United States. The liberals, who would do anything with anybody or anything at any time…and the conservatives, who believed that sex was only for the unpleasant purpose of procreation, that the missionary position was actually the 11th commandment, and that sexual frustration could be controlled with framed needlepoint homilies that said things like "Abstinence Makes The Hard Grow Fonder."
And so things remained until 2007, when Presidential candidate Barack Obama burst onto the scene like it was Monica Lewinsky's blue dress.
There was an air of the adventurous and exotic about Mr. Obama. He had roots, and perhaps birth certificates, in the strange cultures of Kenya, Indonesia, and Hawaii - where even today, female virgins are thrown into flaming volcanoes…which hasn't reduced the incidence of volcanoes, but has worked absolute wonders in getting the local girls to put out.
When Barack Obama was voted President of the United States, he instantly made history. Not because he was the first black president, an honor already bestowed on Bill Clinton, but because he was the first president to be elected solely for his sexual magnetism.
While conservatives had found Mr. Obama's campaign
catchphrases to be bafflingly vague, frisky liberals hadn’t needed a wink or a
nudge to understand what "Yes We Can" really meant, or that
the unending mantra of "Hope and Change" referred to hoping for
a change in sexual positions as frequently as possible.
And seriously, who could have mistaken Mr. Obama’s "We are the ones we've been waiting for" as anything other than an invitation to an orgy?
Since taking office, Barack Obama has continued to send out sexual messages through his words and deeds. And just like the original Kama Sutra, those messages needed translation and illustration for the common man. The result, after three painstaking years of scholarly work, is The Obama Sutra.
In its pages, you will find detailed
instructions on achieving the "57 States of Ecstasy" promised by
Barack Obama.
Whether you agree with his politics or not, you
must admit that no one has done more to arouse passions in living memory.
No one has inspired more orgasms in the mainstream media and liberal
circles.
And no one has left so many Americans feeling screwed in such a wide variety of ways.